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From the famed author of the bestselling The Second Shift and The Time Bind, a pathbreaking look at the transformation of private life in our for-profit world
The family has long been a haven in a heartless world, the one place immune to market forces and economic calculations, where the personal, the private, and the emotional hold sway. Yet as Arlie Russell Hochschild shows in The Outsourced Self, that is no longer the case: everything that was once part of private life―love, friendship, child rearing―is being transformed into packaged expertise to be sold back to confused, harried Americans.
Drawing on hundreds of interviews and original research, Hochschild follows the incursions of the market into every stage of intimate life. From dating services that train you to be the CEO of your love life to wedding planners who create a couple's "personal narrative"; from nameologists (who help you name your child) to wantologists (who help you name your goals); from commercial surrogate farms in India to hired mourners who will scatter your loved one's ashes in the ocean of your choice―Hochschild reveals a world in which the most intuitive and emotional of human acts have become work for hire.
Sharp and clear-eyed, Hochschild is full of sympathy for overstressed, outsourcing Americans, even as she warns of the market's threat to the personal realm they are striving so hard to preserve.
- Sales Rank: #441590 in Books
- Published on: 2012-05-08
- Released on: 2012-05-08
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.56" h x 1.23" w x 6.50" l, 1.13 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 320 pages
Amazon.com Review
Amazon Exclusive: Barbara Ehrenreich Reviews The Outsourced Self
Barbara Ehrenreich is the best-selling author of Nickel and Dimed.
It's a rare and brilliant book that helps us see ordinary life in a whole new way. Take the business of children's birthday parties. When my children were little, I'd put on their parties myself--making the cake, setting up the party games, presiding over the subsequent chaos, and cleaning up the mess. Forty years later, my daughter arranges for "professionals" to create and manage her children's parties. The nationwide chain called The Little Gym, for example, runs a 90 minute party for $225, including invitations, paper goods, and leadership by a "qualified birthday leader plus an assistant." Parents watch the whole thing from the sidelines.
As Arlie Russell Hochschild shows, birthday parties are only one way we've "outsourced" our personal lives. We might seek on-line match-making companies to find a mate, paid relationship advisors to navigate the dating process, wedding planners if the process is successful, perhaps a surrogate mother to bear the children, then child-raising experts to advise on parenting issues--not to mention special consultants to arrange care for the older generation. In other words, that vast and impersonal entity--the market--is penetrating our most intimate relationships and managing the great turning points in our lives. Those who can afford to pay them are increasingly dependent on outside "experts," "coaches," and of course "birthday leaders."
Is this the dystopian outcome dreaded by social scientists since the 19th century? Or is it a rational adjustment to a busy and complex world where no one has time to make their own party favors? Hochschild is definitely drawn to the old, self-reliant, ways represented by her own grandparents, but she is a sociologist, not a scold. The Outsourced Self goes on to explore the ways people manage to redraw the lines between public and private and maintain a modicum of autonomy. I won't say Hochschild will "make" you think: She's such a keen observer and delightful writer that she makes it fun to think. --Barbara Ehrenreich
From Booklist
In her best-selling books The Time Bind (1997) and The Second Shift (1989), Hochschild examined how working mothers and two-income families balanced their home lives with the demands of holding down a career. Here she takes a look at personal life in the Internet age, where the trend is to reach for market services to fulfill needs traditionally met by family, friends, and the community. From online dating services to RentAFriend.com, where members pay $24.95 a month to review prospective “friends,” our basic capacity to develop personal relationships is being commoditized and outsourced. Hochschild examines the effect of market forces on marriage, child rearing, counseling, caregiving, and even death, where large, national funeral homes are supplanting traditional, local funeral parlors with a more consumer-based approach. This is a thoughtful exercise in taking stock of the aspects of life that get devalued in a culture that promotes the belief that “the market can do no wrong.” --David Siegfried
Review
“Incisive, provocative, and often downright entertaining...It used to take a village, but these days it takes a full-service mall, much of it in cyberspace. Finding a mate, planning a wedding, potty-training a child, or being a better father―once intuitive, ordinary tasks involving family, friends, and neighbors―now require the services of paid experts, trainers, and a plethora of coaches, such as Internet dating coach Evan Katz, aka e-Cyrano, or Family360, which teaches executives to “invest time and attention in ‘high leverage’ family activities.” ―Publishers Weekly (Starred Review)
“What happens to us as we outsource more and more of our personal―even intimate―tasks to paid "coaches," caretakers, companions, event planners and third world surrogate mothers? It takes a social thinker of great stature and scope to tackle this question, and a writer of immense charm to make the answer riveting. Arlie Hochschild is both, and this may be her best book ever.” ―Barbara Ehrenreich
“The nation's leading sociologist of daily life has turned her razor-sharp eye to rapid advance of the commodity frontier. Exposing both extreme (love coaches, wantologists) and ordinary (elder care, party planners) cases, Hochschild has produced a brilliant, compelling, and hard-to-put-down account of the expansion of market logic and its effects on our culture. This book deserves the country's attention.” ―Juliet Schor, author of Plenitude: The New Economics of True Wealth
“What have we given up, Arlie Hochschild worries, when we start paying experts for our most intimate activities? Taking us into a fascinating tour of love coaches, wedding planners, surrogate mothers and more, Hochschild offers her own compelling and controversial answers. Another triumph from this masterful social analyst and a gift to her legion of readers.” ―Viviana Zelizer, author of The Purchase of Intimacy
Most helpful customer reviews
32 of 34 people found the following review helpful.
Looking for love in all the right [market] places
By Dr. Cathy Goodwin
I'm a big fan of Arlie Hochschild, since I read The Managed Heart in grad school. She's done ground-breaking research in emotion management, then went on to talk about families and managing time.
This time I was eager to get her book. The writing and organization are superb. My biggest disappointment is that the book turned out to be a very fine piece of journalistic writing. The jacket of the preview copy referred to original research, but I saw only references to occasional articles. Most references were to the popular journals.
I'd have liked to see a more rigorous discussion of the origins of this phenomenon as well as a more precise delineation of the concept. Does outsourcing these "intimate" services resemble paying for organ donation, a controversial area? Or is it just an extension of outsourcing services like restaurant dining and house cleaning? I'd also like to see some research on outsourcing's impact on society and on the "self." The title is catchy but what's outsourced isn't the self but a series of activities, often leaving more time for self-expression and self-discovery.
Hochschild begins by contrasting her own childhood on a farm with her other life as a pampered daughter of a State Department employee overseas; at home on the farm, the family pitched in to do everything. At the embassy everything was outsourced to drivers and house staff.
Throughout the book, Hochschild presents this theme: the old way - when people did things for themselves or turned to their families - versus the contemporary way of paying to get things done. Hochschild investigates several diverse areas of outsourcing, including dating, funerals, surrogate parenting, surrogate parenting, friendship, wedding planning and children's party organizing. She digs deeply into one provider and one customer in each area. For instance, she interviewed Marc Katz as a dating coach and talked to one of his satisfied clients at length. We get an interesting story but can't draw broader conclusions about the phenomenon of online dating or the proliferation of dating coaches.
Hochschild seems bothered by the fact that people are turning to paid resources for help. She emphasizes feelings of conflict that some interviewees admit: "How much should I do and how much should I outsource?" There's an unspoken implication that we outsource only when we must; given adequate time, we could do all these things ourselves.
Yet I can't help wondering: What's the problem? Much of this isn't new. And if you want to make the case that individuals, groups or societies are being harmed, you need to come up with some evidence.
It's certainly true that some of our most memorable experiences come from doing things ourselves; Hochschild remembers her own farm and she describes a dad who tried to host his own children's party. Yet was there really a more idyllic era when people took care of themselves and relied on family? Often the work that's now done by paid outsiders was done by the wife of the nuclear family. Some of those women felt just as invisible as the paid professional assistant. Weddings? Caregiving? Parenting? Yes - that was mom's job.
Hochschild notes that people confide in coaches, psychotherapists and massage therapists. (She notes that coaches are encouraged to "keep their distance," but that doesn't mean cutting off a client who's determined to over-share.) What's new? Hair stylists and bartenders have been hearing personal stories - a phenomenon documented in the academic literature. The coaching profession began to grow in the early part of this century but top executives and professionals often hired "consultants" to help them informally, under a different name.
I wish Hochschild had dug deeper into the broader scale of personal services, which has had an impact on many of us. When I was an undergraduate, I don't recall classmates who paid for manicures, pedicures, waxing and highlights; when I taught undergraduates in the late 1990s, many viewed these services as necessities. Few people agree with one of my crotchety friends who can't understand why women get manicures; "can't they do their own nails?" he asks, genuinely bewildered. Massages used to be reserved for athletes and actors; now just about everyone has had a massage at least once.
I also wonder if we've created a culture of dependence and if it's bad. For years I exercised on my own in the gym, sometimes with group classes. Then a personal trainer offered a trial pack of discounted sessions and now when time permits I love working with a trainer. Up through the 60s or 70s, most people dealt with their own career challenges and until very recently, college students completed their own applications. Now career coaches and admissions services are common. Of course, a problem does arise when the college students try to outsource their homework assignments.
One question I've pondered is, "Why do some problems lead to services and others don't?" For instance, coaches are available to help with divorce and wedding planning. Moving is just as complex and can be even more costly in both money and agony, yet the notion of a relocation coach hasn't caught on. There's also an irony that, surprisingly, wasn't mentioned: while families outsource all sorts of support, we're seeing an increase in home schooling.
Finally, I find myself agreeing with the respondent who asked, "What's the problem? Services are better when you pay for them." Part of the reason is that we often pay for services to navigate complex, high-risk journeys that we take infrequently. Getting into college, getting divorced or caring for an aging parent is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for many of us; we just don't have the knowledge to make wise decisions. Why should we?
Anyway, sometimes it's easier to pay than to negotiated informal "favors" that often carry a bigger price tag. Hospitals frequently require patients to find a ride home after certain procedures, and these days you can pay someone. (One hospital outpatient service used to require the "family member" to remain onsite the entire time of outpatient surgery; they had to give up the requirement because few people could do it.) Laws are changing to allow compensation for bone marrow donation, and ultimately (I suspect) organ donation, ultimately saving thousands of lives. Writing in the New York Times Magazine, psychiatrist Sally Satel claimed that she'd rather have paid for a kidney outright than dealt with the awkward negotiations and time-consuming search for a kidney that didn't come with intangible baggage.
Of course, as Hochschild says, nothing is perfect. She reports people who have had trouble with dating services, including a "friend of a friend" who knew someone who was attacked on a computer date. Well, that's not new either, and the same thing could happen with dating partners who are introduced by a friend or meet at an office party.
Perhaps I'm imposing my own requirements on this book. I really wanted some sociological theory, not another journalistic series of chapters. At the same time, I couldn't help becoming engaged in Hochschild's arguments and in her own story. The book is definitely worth reading; if I were still in a book club I'd love to discuss this one.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
An easy read, but nothing new
By Joseph Oppenheim
The author, who used to live on a farm in Turner, Maine, in about the 1930's, then after her dad was transferred to a US embassy in Israel, everything was done for the family, recalled of a time when, for families the pride was in the labor, everybody helping everybody, where little money changed hands, but many gifts were given. Also, more people moved from farms to the cities, with the rise of the working woman and divorce undermining the ability of families to care for themselves, while more services were used by the middle class.
The book goes into how more and more these services were outsourced. Examples, etc covered in the book are....
1. Courtship moved from the community all the way to on-line services like match.com. Similar services were provided for finding college roommates and company work teams. Also, services for love coaches, wedding planners including elopement packages.
2. In vitro fertilizations and surrogate moms, and with college tuitions getting expensive, coeds becoming egg donors for money.
3. Nameologists, baby planners, specialists for safety proofing homes, teaching babies sign language, potty training, driving children around to activities, child birthday planners, etc.
4. Also the author describes "Family360" which provides a parents evaluation which is a starter service to be followed by other paid services depending on evaluation results.
5. Plenty of child-rearing books, etc.
6. The author also writes that the global south part of the planet has borne the brunt of these "neo-liberal" economic policies where free markets have caused these southern nations to lose jobs (workers headed to the US for higher pay service jobs, then send money back to the nations). But, people who do remain in these nations live more authentic, relaxed lives.
7. Household managers are described. Also, life coaches, jobs to help the elderly. Plus, services like Rent-a-Mom, Rent-a-Dad, Rent-a-Grandma, Rent-a-Friend, etc. Including people who visit nursing/senior home residents, funeral, grave site services.
8. Wantologists to provide whatever a person wants.
9. Curiously, many who call for the expansion of the free market to provide these services are the very people who call for stronger family values.
In conclusion, an easy read, though most of the tings covered should be pretty obvious to most people, so I can't say I learned anything significant from the book, though some may benefit.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
I Should Have Outsourced This Review
By takingadayoff
Author Arlie Hochschild begins the The Outsourced Self by recalling her childhood on a small farm in New England, when everyone in the extended family and the community pitched in during tough times. I immediately assumed that she would be looking at all this newfangled outsourcing as a bad thing. On the contrary, she treats the whole project as the professional sociologist that she is, and keeps an open mind. The reader, on the other hand, may find some of the examples over the top. I certainly did.
Professional dating coaches seemed extreme to me, but as I read about them, I could see the advantage in having someone who isn't a friend or relative to tell you what you're doing wrong. Sometimes your best friend really won't tell you.
The whole surrogate mother phenomenon is already Twilight Zone territory in my mind, but I had no idea that some people actually hire women in India to carry their offspring to term. This chapter was the most dramatic and memorable in the book.
Of course, some of the jobs have been around for a long time and people have been wrestling with whether it's "cheating." The section on children's birthday party planners made me remember the Dick Van Dyke Show episode in which the parents were almost peer-pressured into renting an amusement park for their eight-year-old's birthday party. They decided to buck the trend and it was a disaster, and then a memorable, if exhausting party for both the children and adults. In real life, as Hochschild tells it, the results are also disastrous, but remembered fondly by the children.
The narrative running through the book is a personal one, in which Hochschild tries to do the right thing for her aunt in New England who can't live alone anymore, but who has no other relatives to turn to. Hochschild lives in California, so it's a dilemma. The sociologist turns into a real person who weighs the pros and cons of outsourcing the most basic of responsibilities - taking care of a loved one. It's a balancing act in terms of quality of care, cost, and guilt.
At one point, Hochschild wonders if all this outsourcing is saving anyone any time at all, or is it like the advent of all the home appliances that were going to save housewives time and effort? You already know the answer - just like the personal computers that were going to create a paperless office and allow us to become super efficient - what used to be weekly laundry has become daily laundry and phone calls that had to be answered tomorrow have become emails or texts that have to be answered within minutes.
It does appear that many people have lost the plot when they hire parenting coaches, for instance. But on the plus side, now we have experts to help us sort through the paperwork and decisions to make when a parent suddenly has to go into a nursing home.
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